Things I learned in high school

Now, instead of what I normally would do, which is bitch about how too many people in my profession buy into wholesome learning; bitch about how high school is slowly turning into an extension of middle school, where rigorous guidelines for … oh, I don’t know, handing in homework, are thrown completely out the door; and proclaim that middle school is the cause of the ills of the educational system, I’m going to have a little more fun.

I remembered that for half of my high school career I was a shy guy who tried to fit, then the last two years of high school I did a complete 180 and found myself in the middle of the fold. And that when I really thought about it, I could name quite a few things I remember from high school.

1. How to type correctly. Blame it on my AP European history course. I was expected to type Every. Single. Assignment. Now, this was way before I even had a laptop, much less a desktop. I had a Brother word processor with a fancy monitor. Call that a digital typewriter. In fact, my father has it now and he still uses it. I typed every single night. Because of this, it’s half the reason that by the end of my college career, I could pump out a 4-page paper in 90 minutes.

2. How to kiss. I remember my first kissing experience with a girl. I’m not talking about a “kissing dare” thing from a summer camp or anything like that. I am talking about a real, romantic kiss. We were on her bed. She had this really cool bedroom, and the lights were dimmed. It was romantic. We had our eyes locked on each other and I was trying to make sure I didn’t miss anything she said in the dimmed room. But what I really remembered is the kiss. It ended too quickly. Both the kiss and the girl. I went to a different high school months later. But what happened that night, I took with me. Oh, I forgot to add, it was already awkward because her mom was in the house too!

3. How to get a black eye. No, I didn’t get into a fight. I got a black eye playing pick-up football. I got myself stuck between the ball and a 6’4″ guy’s elbow. Me: 5’5″ and his elbow several inches above me. Bam. Now I have a misaligned eyebrow because of that black eye.

4. How to stand up for myself. When I was mainstreamed, I was subjected to taunting in the hallways. I would walk past groups of wannabe jocks who would make fun of me. Instead of becoming a gang banger and jumping on anyone who made fun of me, I took heed what my father always told me: “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Instead, I learned that these little things in life aren’t worth wasting my breath on. I now know that I’ve made the best out of my experiences. Those guys who made fun of me? I’m pretty sure they’re still stuck at their parent’s house in Boiceville.

5. How cool teachers make your days better. I admit. I was a dork in the classrooms, but on the athletic fields, I removed that label. I made it a precise science to have cool teachers. In fact, I think that’s why I’m a teacher now. All of my cool teachers have been social studies teachers. Mr. Wildermuth and Mrs. McCarthy both made my long seven-classes-a-day worthwhile. I’ve always enjoyed those kind of teachers who nurture the soul. Mr. W and Mrs. McCarthy did that.

6. How to solve the Pythagorean Theorem. A squared plus B squared equals C squared. For some reason, this math phobic person really couldn’t follow algebra but for the life of me, I figured out geometry easily. Even to today, I still recall geometric formulas for areas and volumes in my head.

7. How universal themes exist throughout literature and culture. I don’t think I started to really appreciate literature until college, and even more so, appreciate it much more when I married a bibliophile. Some would gag when they hear which book resonates with me from high school, but A Thousand Acres from my AP English class is still fresh in my mind. Earlier this year, I had a long argument with a friend about why it’s important to read and my argument that so much of what we read and watch comes from the themes, motifs, etc. established in those works fell on the deaf ears (pun intended) of a Twilight fan. Anyway, this is where someone first made that point for me.

8. How NOT to be a dork while driving your first car. I’ll never forget the first day I brought my car to school — which happened to be the last day of school my sophomore year. My parents never knew this story, but I almost got into an accident with three other classmates. I was too excited about having my friends in my first car, and I didn’t properly measure the space between my car and the car stopped in front of me. In the blink of an eye, I smelled burnt rubber and my car had stopped so hard that it stalled. I meekly waved an apology to the woman in front of me and tried to adjust my heart from my stomach. I drove 30 MPH the rest of the way home.

So there you have it. You do learn things in high school.

And yes, I paid attention.